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Ultimatums in Relationships – Do They Actually Work?

The consequences of ultimatums in a business environment may be great and effective for all work processes in general. Still, when they come to your home –  the results will be the opposite. Ultimatums in relationships work the other way. They can increase the distance between you and your partner, and eventually, bring your connection to the end. Luckily, giving ultimatums in relationships may have a positive result as well, if they are used properly. This article aims to provide you with efficient tips and recommendations. Knowing how to use ultimatums in relationships, Psychology, will let you achieve your desired goals and save love in the long run. 

What Are Ultimatums in Relationships Examples?

Most of us are dealing with ultimatums in relationships. This is an urgent demand from a partner to act in a definite way within a stated period of time. Otherwise, the person warns of losing the relationship. However, many therapists mention that using ultimatums in relationships is dangerous. Thinking that you can change your partner is the way to nowhere. Let’s look at some nice examples:

  • Saying that you are going to break up if you do not get a marriage proposal the following year
  • Demanding to change the work for a higher salary or losing your relationship
  • Threatening that a partner stop communication with the person who you do not like or risk of breakup 
why shouldn you give ultimatums in relationships

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Bad?

Is it healthy to use ultimatums in relationships? Of course, no. Once you realize that you constantly threaten and demand something from your partner, you are recommended to change the situation. Otherwise, you risk destroying your connection and making your partner feel exhausted and indifferent. 

Experts admit that ultimatums in relationships are bad as they lead to losing a feeling of safety and confidence. By using threatening, you increase the distance and make your partner feel insecure at their own house. According to recent research, emotional abuse has nothing in common with a healthy relationship. It provokes ruining connection and trust. There is nothing worse than losing your partner’s credibility, and as a result – your own self-respect. 

Still, there are a few situations when the answer to the question “Are ultimatums in relationships okay?” will be positive. Specialists agree on existing scenarios that let you use demanding and threatening for your own sake. Here they are:

  • Alcoholism
  • Using drugs
  • Gambling

Any kind of addiction may be fatal not only for your relationship but for you two. That’s why using ultimatums is not only reasonable in sich scenarios but essential. 

quotes about ultimatums in relationships

Do Ultimatums Work in Relationships? – Effective Strategies

Most ultimatums in relationship quotes agree that demanding may be effective if you do everything properly. Therefore, it is important to discover good strategies to practice. If you do want to save your connection and take advantage of ultimatums rather than destroy your warm relationship, then have a look at the following recommendations.

1. Practice open communication

The main purpose of your communication should be to set a trustworthy environment where both of you can feel safe and respected. Experts mention that you should start a conversation when your partner is really ready to listen to you, as well as work on your relationship. Once you both recall your special feelings, you can move forward. Share your point of view on a definite issue, and ask your significant other to do the same. The main thing here is to come to compromises without destroying anybody’s personality. Mind every word, and avoid criticism and threats. Make an accent on your own feelings and show the partner how things that you discuss are important to you. 

2. Set certain boundaries

The good news is that you can prevent any ultimatums in relationships. Specialists admit that setting your boundaries at the very beginning can save you from further demands. Simply put, you should talk with your partner and say what is acceptable for you and what is not. Discussing things that may make you displeased, worried, and unhappy will be beneficial for both of you.  Putting definite boundaries on time can greatly contribute to building a healthy and happy relationship with your beloved. 

3. Mind your tone and use appropriate phrases 

It goes without saying that the way we say some things, is sometimes even more important than what we actually say. Therefore, you are recommended to express the same meaning but in a calmer manner. For example:

  • Do not demand from a partner to change work. It is better to say that you would like them to change the work so that you both can cope with all financial issues. Add that otherwise, you will have to think about expenditures on your own. If the person really loves and appreciates you, they will start acting.
  • Do not demand a marriage proposal. Instead, explain how important for you it is. If the person is not ready for such a step, then say that you need to think all over again. 
  • Do not demand moving to your city. It is better to emphasize how much you miss and love the person. Add that living in the same city will improve your connection and give you a chance to move forward together. 

As you can see, there are nice, polite alternatives to demanding phrases that most of us usually use day by day. 

why ultimatums don't work in relationships


Is it unhealthy to make ultimatums in relationships? – Yes, and the answers to most common questions will prove this once again.

  1. Are ultimatums manipulative? Yes, any manipulations are not the right thing for a healthy relationship. Being emotionally demanding, they are considered a common time of abuse. 
  2. Are ultimatums toxic in a relationship? Yes. Trying to use ultimatums in a relationship means that you aim to set definite control over your partner. This is a typical sign of a destructive connection. 
  3. Do ultimatums ever work in relationships? Yes. But the circumstances depend on the partners. The way you talk and behave directly affects the result of ultimatums. 
  4. How do you respond to a relationship ultimatum? It is necessary to be open and sincere. Take care of your own boundaries and do not tend to cross the boundaries of your partner.


In every discussion of ultimatums in relationships Reddit, you will see that ultimatums in relationships are not the best way to build a strong connection. Constant demands may place your partner in the corner, making them feel unsafe. Instead of increasing the distance between you two, it is better to focus your attention on sincere and open communication. People who love and appreciate each other can always find a good alternative to threats and unhealthy control. In case, you can’t make things work, it is better to apply for professional assistance.

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