First Meeting After Chatting Online
We are lucky to live in the age of the IT technologies that make our world smaller. Before we had to wait for days or even weeks to get a letter from a faraway country. But now, messages cover thousands of kilometers within a second. We turn into the citizens of the world and boundaries between us become less significant.
People used to date and marry someone who lived near-by. And it was quite disappointing as if you lived in some God-forgotten village you had really little chance to meet a person of your dreams. Now, it is a common thing that people get acquainted and even fall in love through the Internet. You can meet people online from any country. Maybe you have always admired Western men or maybe dreamt about the Nordic beauty.
Then what are you waiting for? Just join the dating site and start chatting. Your perfect love is waiting for you. There are a lot of chatting rooms, social networks to choose from. Some charge for their services and some are absolutely free. You have only to make an account and pick a person to talk to.
Not everyone is lucky to have a successful acquaintance on the Internet. In the social network to feel the person is much more difficult because you can get a feeling only from the manner of his writing, reactions to events. You may fancy something after having seen the photo, which may not be his or her at all, or made many years ago. The photo may be strongly edited, so the person looks totally different.
Of course it is difficult to read faces, most people cannot do that. There are no smells, smiles, touches when you chat on-line. And of course printed lines cannot carry the warms of the voice (unless you dare to use Skype or phone). That’s why, when the things come to first meeting after chatting online you may be strongly disappointed as you have already made up a fictional impression of the person.
You fancied her to be a beauty queen but in the real life she is an overweight divorced housewife with three kids. Or maybe your Prince Charming is not a successful business man but just an ordinary balding office clerk. Such stories are very common. Though, meeting someone online has its benefits. When finding love on-line it is easy to be yourself. You are sitting in a cozy room, and the other person does not see your face.
You can crack jokes without seeing your partner blush because you have said something corny. If you feel that you said something wrong you can turn it into a joke by typing LOL (that means “laugh out loud”). It is a great way to meet someone if you are a shy person who needs some time to open up.
After a while, there will be your first meeting after chatting on-line. Really, you should not talk forever, unless you just need an interlocutor. This may happen too. You talk and talk for months but your partner avoids meeting under any possible excuses. What does it mean? The situation can be as follows, your partner has relations in the real life and your communication is just an escape from the dull daily routine, especially if you have a bit of spicy chatting or even virtual sex.
Therefore, meeting in the real life is the next step of building your relations with another person. But always remember that a relationship is a game for two people, that’s why both must be ready to meet and long for this date. Another problem that on-line dating presents is your confidence. Since it is easier to chat, a person may be a brilliant interlocutor… but only on-line. When it comes to an offline dating, you couldn’t get out more than two words, you blush, stammer, and as a result, the impression of a witty talker is completely ruined.
Lucky, the shyness of the first meeting falls on both of you. Now you are able to see the person’s behavior and manners. They might be not perfect. It is the most challenging part. After you have gone through it, the rest will be much easier. That’s why the first date is a very important stage in any relationship. In 90% of the cases, it becomes clear whether there is a future in your relationship, or this first date will be the last one.
We strongly recommend you not to postpone your first met dating as this prevents both people from having higher expectations. If you talk for months, you start falling in love with a fictional image of your partner. Don’t do that! It is better to meet faster and decide right away whether you can be friends or continue to develop the relationship. A woman, as a rule, expects from such a meeting much more than a man does. This is her first mistake.
The word “date” implies a love acquaintance, even if it is not pronounced aloud. A man, even if he did not say that he invites you on a date, is free to do whatever he wants. He may simply want to see a woman live and understand whether he likes her, whether he is sexually attracted, whether she has a pleasant voice and manners etc. It may even be a sheer curiosity. A woman often expects courtship from the first meeting. How to make your first “live” meeting work? There are some good ideas for you not to be disappointed and enjoy your time together at the date.
Place for the first date after meeting on the Internet
It will be better if a man takes the initiative and comes to a lady’s city. Let him overcome all the difficulties of travelling and adapting to the new conditions of another city or even another country. This is normal male behavior. If you are a girl, do not invite your virtual boyfriend to your home at once. You do not know who he is and what exactly can happen when you meet face to face. So, it is better to meet outside. A neutral territory for a first date can be a modest café, confectionery or coffee shop. That is, an inexpensive place where you, in any case, will be able to pay for two.
You don’t know how events will unfold. It may happen that you will stay at the table alone in the company of the waiter and the bill. For the first meet dating, you should choose some crowded places such as a large shopping center, cinema, all sorts of beautiful outside places which are not isolated from other people. That is your security. Unfortunately, there are bad people regardless of the sex. Even if you are a man, you may run into some cheater who has bad intentions about you. This advice is more valuable for foreigners who come to another country to meet the girl of dreams.
Give some time to both of you
You’ll be embarrassed. Only a few people feel free and relaxed at the first meeting. Among your friends there is certainly a legend that someone felt “that’s it” barely seeing her future husband for the first time. And even more, she had a full confidence that with this person she’ll spend the rest of her days, raise four children, and die together. Believe us, such stories exist only in romantic comedies. Ordinary mortals need time to get used to a new person: to test the ground, to find common topics and to establish contact. In general, do not rush to make conclusions about the person during first ten minutes of the date. And be ready to the fact that photo may be different from a real image of the person. Of course, if you are coming from a faraway place, it would be better to meet in the video chat first to be sure that you are talking to a real person.
Don’t be afraid to pause
In a live human conversation, a pause is normal, you are not an announcer on television and you are not making a presentation to the board of directors of your company. Of course, it will be better if you think of several topics that may be of interesting both to you and your partner. Do not try to stay within “safe” topics like the weather. Would you be interested chat for an hour about rain and snow? Surely, your new acquaintance is unlikely to be delighted. Remember, your goal is to make a person open up, find out what he or she is like, what he or she is interested in. Talk about travelling, animals, or family relationships if the topic isn’t too personal for you. And don’t try to show all the power of your education and intelligence at once.
Leave yourself an escape route
It is banal, but true. Your offline dating can go wrong. So much wrong that you might want to escape immediately. And the first thing you are going to do at home is block your friend on all social networks. If you feel that something went wrong from the beginning, mark the time limits at once: “Hi, glad see you after all this time. Unfortunately, I have very little time today as the boss gave me the task for the whole weekend”. Another, very common, but still effective trick is to ask your best friend to call exactly half an hour after the beginning of the date. Will your interlocutor understand that you want to run away? Yes, be sure. But if you’re still not going to continue dating, what difference does it make?
Saying good-bye
Tell the partner that you were pleased to meet. Even if you do not see the continuation of your relationship, keep mutual respect for each other. If the date went well and you liked your companion, in any case, you should let him or her know about it. Some people don’t like to be pushed by the phrase: “When will we meet? How about tomorrow?”. It might scare you a little. But to make it clear that you do not mind meeting again is necessary in any case.
You can say for example: “I had a good time! Can we have dinner again soon?” Any relationship should start at some point, and the first meeting is one of the most important elements of the development of any relationship. Do not be afraid of the first dates after meeting on the Internet. Reality may turn out to be better than your most daring dreams. Just be yourself and enjoy new acquaintances and impressions!
Sarah Weks is inspired relationship author.